Essex - United Kingdom

Industry and commerceThe Lakeside Shopping Centre at Thurrock was one of England's first out-of-town shopping centres; it remains popular despite congestion on the nearby M25 motorway and direct competition from Bluewater Shopping Centre.Industry is largely limited to the south of the county, with the majority of the land elsewhere being given over to agriculture. Harlow is a centre for electronics, science and pharmaceutical companies, while Chelmsford is the home of Marconi (now called telent plc and owned by Ericsson of Sweden since 2005), and Brentwood home to the Ford Motor Company's Eu

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Discussion on Essex

Carrot :

what do people really think of essex and their occupants

they call me Brooooce :
"loverly"
slutttee :
"Been drunk a few times in the Angel in Ilford, but its full of Scots and Irish, so I like it!"
Nancy Drew :
"in England?"
Jessica :
"i don't know what that is."
Bellatrix L :
"Essex is the richest county in Britain. I was born but not raised there. Many of my relatives live there, their accent annoy me lol. All the Essex people I have met were very warm and friendly. And that's it."
Mr FnC :
"sound as a pound m8 thats me..hic.!"
watacatabaro :
"Don't know. Never been around there haven't met any body from their either. Why are you from there?"
sean e :
"England Or Massachusetts?"
renish :
"they see it beautiful and lovely."
Marisa M :
"do u mean e-sex, as in online sex or something, because it's not really clear what you are talking about!:( and if u are, i don't think u should discuss that anywhere but a private chat room because you may get in serious trouble) ttyl"
Mark G :
"My nan lived there for several years, and she's a right weirdo!"
furiouspurposeuk :
"Essex. I wonder if foreigners giggle at the name. Too far from me in Cheshire to really know much about the goings-on in raunchy Essex."
StarShine Girl :
"The only thing I really know about Essex is the song sung by David Essex,,, Rock On"
ErinRae :
""Blue jean baby queen, prettiest girl I've ever seen...""
caitlin_the_skeptic :
"with american translation Ford Cortinas - crap cars white sling backs - bad shoes chavs - trailer trash bling bling from argos - cheap jewellery Appoligies to any one from essex and I`m sure its not true and that essex is a great place."
pete m :
"geeze only in southend pitsea basildon the birds dont feel the cold.."
the_moon_pixie :
"Essex people are all right......are they called Essexians???.......However the Estuary accent is annoying. I do not think they are all stupid or s**gs like other people from the north do though. Is it Jade Goody's and Jodie Marsh's fault we think this perhaps?"
Scott Bull :
"I live in Southend, and to put it simply, too many chavs, not enough time to beat them all into ICU."
Judas Rabbi :
"Never been there."
nicemanvery :
"I live in southend in essex and we'r all diamond geezers everybody's welcome here , exept paedos !!!"
always laughing/still smilin :

An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. How many children?" asks the council worker. 10" replies the Essex girl. 10?" says the council worker. "What are their names?" Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne". Doesn't that get confusing?" Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY, or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..." What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker. That's easy," says the Essex girl... "I just use their surnames" An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress" she says. Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "No"she replies. this time it's mayonnaise." Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator. The man says "Choose from our range on the wall." She says "I'll take the red one." The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher." An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site. Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?" Girl: "OK" Medic: "What's your name?" Girl: "Sharon." Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?" Sharon: "Yes." Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?" Sharon: "Romford, mate." An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be careful!" It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's hundreds of them!" Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; There's blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the floor. Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed." Sharon: "Ok." Medic: "How many fingers am I putting up?" Sharon: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!" An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex Girl notices something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is wearing. She says, "Scuse me mate, I aint being funny or nuffink, but why doz one of your wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on it?" So the Irish guy smiles, puts down his glass of Guinness and replies, "Well, oim a little bit tick you see. The one wit the R on it is for me roight foot and the one wit the L is for me Left foot" "Cor blimey", exclaims the Essex girl, "So THATS why me knickers 'ave got C&A on them".

glw :
"at first I thought you were talking about Essex, Maryland (USA). Now I see that you mean Essex England. Believe it or not, it works out just the same."
tcp :
"very funny, and i am in essex!!!"
*~Smoke Weed Everyday! - 4:20!~* :
"HAHA. those are funny."
Boring Old Fart :
"ROFLMAO... But... the beggars will report you.... 8/10"
keypointist :
"They were good ones, haha!"
cutthroat_mako :
"i just spit coffee all over everything when i read the finger one, thanx"
sweetgurllexi :
"Thanks for the morning laugh!"
roachy :
"I chuckled my way through, 7/10."
Jay E. :
"ROFL!!! Those are great. I don't know any "Essex Girl's" personally, but the sound remarkably like some sorority girls I went to college with."
speedy :
"well done always laughing they say laughter is the best medicine so i wont be ill for years with all your jokes 10/10"
Lydia K :
"heard them all before..and being from essex myself i will laugh about it!!ha ha!!"
pqhtm :
"Those are GOOD."
JEN :
"he he brillant!"
Loader2000 :
"Very Funny Just what I needed on a Friday Afternoon."
mushin :
"As thanks for making my day every day, here's one for you: Have you read a book called 'Hole in the bed' by Mister Completely? ; ¬ )"
moobiemuffin :
"I read every single one!!! Very good!!! hahahaha"
olivia_kayla :
"so nice to see jokes that don't include a blonde, although im sure you've got some somewhere!!! always laughing at your jokes, fab!!!"
nicemanvery :
"C 'mon Essex let's get er , ha hah only kidding , nice ones 10 outa 10 lol"
Mel :
"thats funny! i like the one with the essex girl driving backwards!"
kizzy 1234 :
"LMAO while RAOTF!! great jokes!!"
i like free t-shirts! :
"those sucked bad"
One tree hill's brucas fan :
"lol"
sithy :

ESSEX HURRICANE APPEAL A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit Essex in the early hours of Friday with its epicentre in CanveyIsland. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering Faaackinell". The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Canvey. One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next morning." Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland. HOW CAN YOU HELP? This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include: Fila or Burberry baseball caps Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers) Shell suits (female) White sport socks Rockport boots Any other items usually sold in Primark. Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include: Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9. £5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected. **Breaking news** Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop. 'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked," ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv you?? Please don't forward this to anyone living in Essex- oh, sod it; they won't be able to read it, anyway.

lichita :
"Brilliant! You really made me laugh!"
red beret :
"good luck, here is 1 mill pond"
moogle :
"again, very funny keep them coming"
welshchick :
"OMG IOFPML that is brillianr, still laughing as i write this, keep them coming, I need cheering up!"
Andy :
"good man!!! was a little bit long but still the smile was much longer than that."
always laughing :
"gd 1 lol 10/10"
nicky_bronx :
"Haha, thats good stuff!"

 

Comments on Essex

bloggerman
Date: 2008-02-05 01:35:10

With 40 years of crash repairs, owner Alby Walton is hanging up the keys.An exciting opportunity for a company wishing to expand their business or a motivated entrepreneur with deep pockets, as the business comes with a freehold, stock and hire carsThey repaired my Kia quickly and its impossible to tell that my vehicle was in a crash


buldozerceto
Date: 2008-02-05 01:35:10

Groves Garage, a quality independent crash repair center is now for sale, contact its Owner, Alby Walton. www.grovesgarage.comAn established freehold business, contracts with insurance companies and reliable staff, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for a company to expand or an entrepreneur to enter this exciting business.01708-55401


Chalz
Date: 2008-02-05 01:35:10

Hailing from Colchester, Essex, UK, Koopa are a rock band going places. They've now signed a deal with Pied Piper records but what's important is this; their first 5 releases were DIY, the first two going into the top 75, the next 3 top 40 and the final #16 in the UK singles chart. Kevin from theDIYmethod.com speaks to them.


ahmershuja
Date: 2008-02-05 01:35:10

MANHATTAN LIMOUSINES Telephone: 9am - 5pm 7 Days A Week 0208 597 6718 "The Finest Super-Stretch Limousine Hire Company In Essex"




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